when will it get better?
The expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action: and till action, lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight;
Past reason hunted; and no sooner had,
Past reason hated, as a swallowed bait,
On purpose laid to make the taker mad.
Mad in pursuit and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind a dream.
All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.
– Sonnet CXXIX, William Shakespeare
I believe it is no ones intention to live as a perpetual victim.
No one ever said they wanted that as a career,
wanted to spend their valuable life having no personal power –
yet how many are there
trapped by the belief that life,
has taken something from them
which they should have?
they deserve(d) it
they didn’t want to lose what’s gone
(I understand that)
but now it’s gone
and they’ve been wronged
they spin in the agony of not controlling
They can’t see what they’re doing,
they can’t hear what they’re saying,
they can’t see how they’re living,
because they are sure
sure they are right,
sure they deserve to be this grand victim,
sure the very best of life,
their very happiest,
is behind them now.
They may say ‘they are not special’,
but in reality they believe they are SO special
life should only, always, give them what they want…
no matter what.
I used to try to convince them otherwise,
spend massive energy,
years invested in living with people determined not to see,
not to let go,
not to find happiness and peace.
People refusing to do the work to gain truth and freedom.
now I take it case by case,
I trust God enough to allow them to come,
allow them to go.
I do my own hard work
of letting go
of letting go
of letting go…
of loving with no expectations of return…
of finding out new insights about my own heart…
of standing in my own healing,
without being distracted by the manipulation
of people living as victims.
I remind myself (over and over) everyone has a right to live as they choose,
truth is never an argument to be won.
Then I give thanks that I chose something new for myself.
I pray for each person in the world to live with peace and joy…
I grieve my own, very personal losses,
life goes on…
At this very instant on the sacred Earth I wait.
Come to us Beauty, Wisdom, Goodness, Peace, Solace, Grace, Counsel, Love.
See the open archway this cold night
Air, rich as gold flows.
Fine snow, glistens our faces. Each flake,
every exquisite crystal blossom is the covenant of your love
told a thousand, thousand times.
– Patricia Van Ness
Listen to Serenity Fisher sing So Far From Oh Well