who ya gonna be?
One day, many years ago,
I realized how little I knew
about the world
about how things work
about pretty much everything.
Yes, one day the full impact hit me
of how small my understanding
and it changed my life.
I became aware.
I became aware that I could choose,
even though no one gave me permission.
It hit me – that all the people,
who had told me they had the complete truth,
and so I should just believe them,
couldn’t possibly ALL be right.
I also realized, very importantly, most of them were not people I wanted my life to emulate.
So, maybe, living wasn’t about being right, or perfect.
Maybe life was about being open, learning about each other,
about helping each other.
Maybe love really was about unconditional,
whatever that truly meant.
Maybe life was about trying…
that I found intriguing,
or felt my soul drawn to.
And so I opened myself to this new way
I became curious.
I became open.
I became dogmatic –
about NOT being dogmatic.
I removed the words,
‘I’m right’ and ‘I can’t’ and ‘impossible’ from my vocabulary.
I fought my automatic judgements….
still one of my biggest daily battles….
I keep making that choice.
I fought to improve only myself,
to forgive myself,
to keep learning the hard way,
it is my choice.
I sought to tell, and live, my ever-evolving truth,
holding that truth lightly in open, adoring hands,
always allowing myself to be wrong without shame,
allowing for changes without despising the learning,
I am ever-so-happy when I make that choice!
I battled to take responsibility
for my thoughts and actions,
Always adjusting, making new choices.
Making lots of mistakes,
Life is very messy at times.
I’ve lost a lot.
I’ve gained more than I lost.
At some point, along the way,
I became convinced, at least for me,
this was the only way to truly live.
The mystery keeps getting bigger.
I continue to do war with my desire to shut down my heart,
in the face of constant hurts and disappointments.
I keep letting go.
Opening, always opening.
Each step has become a miracle moment.
Each opening leads me to open more.
I have come to see everything is grace.
I have come to understand the extreme value,
of each human soul,
of being vulnerable,
of being human,
of just being.
I have made the commitment to the path of curiosity,
not because I will ever learn it all,
but because I won’t.
Yet, I am aware, that there is infinite learning at my fingertips,
and I want as much as I can get,
to go as high as I can go,
to know as much
and life itself,
as I am able.
One day, not very long ago, I found the words of poet, Mary Oliver.
She gives these brilliant life instructions,
tell about it.
Yes, that has been my path.
As Einstein said,
I have no special talents –
I’m just passionately curious.
I add to that:
I have completely fallen in love with life!
I’ve grown fabulously addicted to seeing the holy miracles all around me.
I am so blessed, so full, so grateful!
I can’t help wanting to share
the path of this glorious adventure,
with others who love it too –
though I’ve been accused of talking too much,
more than a few times, in my life,
I’ll just keep on…
because, I’ve found,
all voices are beautiful –
in their own way.
Listen to my friend, Barbara McAfee sing Who Ya Gonna Be? http://youtu.be/Xf5BJgOmBd8